An Update

I didn't know anyone read this, anymore, but a few days ago, someone asked for an update. I'm touched that anyone cares, and at the same time, conscious that I don't want to hurt anyone out there on her own journey, who still finds it painful to hear of others' successful journeys or confused by the fact that people who are pregnant still find things to complain about. I must warn you--we do.

There have been a lot of things I've thought about writing since I got pregnant. A lot of funny things. Pregnancy has its own little weirdness, it's own moments of hilarity.

But it had its heartache too. It hasn't been easy. It wasn't easy when I started bleeding at 14 weeks, and was told I had a subchorionic hematoma and a 60-70% chance of losing the pregnancy, that there was nothing I could do but wait. I hemorrhaged and cried and held tight to my husband and to my hope--but I didn't lose them.

It wasn't easy at 26 weeks, when a funky test result suggested I might deliver in the next two weeks, with dangerously premature babies. I had a steroid shot to mature delicate little lungs, and I held my breath and try to stay calm--but I didn't deliver.

So now here I am, 34 1/2 weeks pregnant, and hoping and ALMOST ready to expect that in a matter of a couple weeks, I'll be the mother of two beautiful baby boys. But you know what? Life stayed complicated. I still fear, sometimes, that they're not going to be born. Or something is wrong with them. Or I won't be a good mom.

I know it a blessing, a blessing, to be here. But the update is--life goes on. And I'm still wishing the best for all of you out there, on your own journeys.