What's just as bad as smug pregnant women is smug attached women. The kind that lord the fact they they have a partner over everyone who doesn't--we all know them. It's like the Seinfeld episode when the lady keeps yelling, "Where's my baby? What happened to my baby?" Meaning in her case, her boyfriend. And then Elaine pops up with, "Maybe the dingo ate your baby." (If you haven't seen it, you should--I'm sure it's on you tube.)
Anyway, I'll admit there seem to be fewer smug attached than there used to be, but I attribute this to 2 things. One is I'm attached, so they can't lord over me that they are. The other is a lot of them had babies, and are now lording that instead.
In any case, it's so frickin' obnoxious. And as catchy as Beyonce's tune may be, she still goes home to Jay-Z. I can't believe I know that, but there you go. We can all give our support, but the truth is that no one knows like the person stuck there.
I thought about this recently because I hung out with a few different friends that are unfairly unattached. I say "unfairly" because they don't WANT to be unattached. They just got kinda screwed in the "attached" department. And I feel crappy about it, just like I know they feel crappy about my infertility. But I know I also don't know exactly what it's like to be there, and I feel badly about that, because here I am complaining that I can't get pregnant with my husband. I mean, I GET a husband.
So not to be smug, but damn if I don't need to be a little appreciative. My husband is amazing. He's been doing all my shots and he has NEVER missed an appointment. He is making me dinner right now. We don't get it all, and it's not fair, but I get a lot other women get cheated out of--again, because IT ISN'T ABOUT DESERVING. I wish it was because some of those smug ones would step in dog poop every day or something. And to all the single ladies: you'd get it ALL. Whatever you wanted. You deserve it.
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All the Single Ladies: We live in a world where women are bombarded with the message that they must have a man in their lives to be complete. We are sold the myth that if a woman doesn’t get married she will turn into an old, lonely crone surrounded by cats, weeping into a box of bon bons, dabbing away the tears with a Kleenex she keeps stuffed up the sleeve of her ratty robe. We live in a world where women are told that they must avoid this fate at all costs; that it's better to pretend to be the woman a man wants than it is to be herself. Dating guides will insist that since the author’s friend’s cousin’s frat brother’s uncle Mick once dumped a girl because she didn't cook for him the way his mama does, you absolutely must learn to cook and pretend to like it or you’ll never, ever land a man.
No.
It just means you won’t land Mick, and why the hell would you want him anyways? Why would you want anyone who doesn’t love, value, and cherish you for exactly who you are? You deserve nothing less. Finding a good guy sometimes feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. He may not come along until you’re 30, or 40, or 50. In the meantime, all you single ladies, love yourselves, surround yourselves with people who love and support you, pursue your dreams, live your adventures, fill your life with beauty and meaning, laugh. I don’t want to take away from what it means to find the right life partner, but all of these things are possible without a man; you don’t have to wait for him.
The attached ladies I know who waited for the RIGHT guy (like this blog’s author) instead of settling for A GUY (because the plan was to be married before 25 or the panic set in at 30, or whatever) do not lord their status over single women. Those that do…I can’t help but wonder what they’re trying to compensate for. Maybe that smug friend of yours was one of those ladies who pretended be something she wasn’t for him, and she’s feeling the strain. After all, the pretending doesn’t stop once the man has been landed; he must also be kept. Or maybe she feels a pang of anxiety because somewhere deep inside she realizes how misguided it was to make marriage the goal rather than recognizing it as a symbol of the deep love and commitment that should already exist between two people by the time formal vows are made. Maybe the smugness about her "perfect" relationship is really about trying to reassure herself. Or maybe she’s just a nasty person and you should reconsider your friendship. Whatever the case, do not let the smugs get you down.
You deserve better.
You said it better than I ever coulda. :-)
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