Here's to Fish Emulsion

The first time I did IVF, I religiously followed the rules about no exercise, no alcohol, no lifting more than 5 pounds, set by my paranoid, clueless, unrealistic RE. I didn't touch fertilizer, even organic, to be safe. I didn't lift a shovel or weed the vegetable garden. I didn't go whitewater rafting when invited. I didn't swim or run or bike or any real exercise. I was bored. I was boring. I walked around listening to meditation CDs. I had A LOT of time to think about infertility. I was stressed.

So tonight, I wanted my nightly glass of wine. That's pretty much how I roll. I like wine. I like it with dinner only, but I feel very Mediterranean or something at heart, because I feel wine and food GO together. But this time last year, I deprived myself.

I am a long way to actually doing IVF, but I thought, "Should I be safe? Should I stop?" and then I thought what I wrote about a few posts ago, "two tears in a bucket..." Which is worse? People seem to get pregnant just fine with a lot more alcohol in their blood--in fact, it seems to me that alcohol increases the chances. I don't know if no wine helps, but I can't tell you if stress decreases my chances, either. And I might as well be happy. Because I already learned that self-flagellation doesn't get you pregnant.

So I swim a few sprints every morning and give my rosebushes organic fish emulsion and raise a glass every night to not being pregnant, at least for the next three weeks. Enjoy it while it lasts. No non-baby is taking that away.