Congratulations! You've Just Won a Set of Lovely Steak Knives

I used to think the best thing you could get when you did IVF was a whole mess of leftover embryos, for your next round, when you wanted baby #2.

It's amazing, because even after deploring the moms who breezily talk about getting pregnant like it's as easy as making toast, I got pretty breezy about having embryos. Because when they tell you that you're lucky if you get 2 or 3, I had SIX. SIX. I could have a whole messa babies with six embryos. Or so I thought.

So far, 5 out of 8 tell me that embryos do not a baby make. Three are still hanging out there, and if I don't get pregnant with this fresh cycle, I can try again with the frozen ones. I feel COMPELLED to try again with the frozen ones. Which is why I hope I don't get any more.

I know, it's horrible. When so many women would love to have frozen embryos, I dread them. I dread them because it means yet another chance to get my hopes up, and have them dashed. I am now so tired of this process, I would rather do it fewer times, even though it lowers my chances of success.

I am also a realist. If I can't get pregnant off the first 5, the ones that are supposed to be "better" ones, why would the last 3 work? And how many times do I have to hear "NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A BABY" before I get it?! I feel like I've had enough chances already. I did not win the grand prize. At least let me take my steak knives and walk away with my dignity.

Now I have more sense. The best thing you can get with IVF is a baby. Not just pregnant, not just embryos, but a baby. And if I'm not going to get that, I'd rather not have the steak knives, thank you very much.