Shikata Ga Nai

My grandmother is one of those wonderful old ladies with charming catchphrases that have become an inextricable part of my vocabulary. "I don't know him from Adam." "I'll see you when I see the white of your eyes." "It's hotter than Haedes."

I recently thought of one of these phrases while visiting the doctor's office: "The right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing." Dr. G had a plan for me, which included having an IUI and then a frozen embryo transfer a week later. He felt this would increase our chances of conceiving, even though the whole reason we had IVF was male-factor and no one was very hopeful IUI would work. But we'd already met our out of pocket maximum for the year, insurancewise, and were willing to go along.

Then we saw Dr. Yoda, and he flatly told us he disagreed with Dr. G. He explained that he has more history and knows about us and IUIs, and it doesn't make sense. He feels it makes sense in cases where the couple only has 1 embryo. But we have 6. These are very different views on the same subject.

I decided I agree with Dr. Yoda. But it's frustrating that they're each having this conversation with me, instead of talking to each other. It's not that I'm super traditional and need a doctor to tell me what to do--I wouldn't fall for any sweet-talker in a white lab coat, I hope--but it seems like they either need to decide one guy is in charge or find a plan, then tell me about it.

But I guess they've been doing it this way for a long time, and I'm just a drop in their very large fertility bucket. Which makes me think of another of grandma's phrases. "Shikata ga nai." Japanese for "It can't be helped," something I think she learned to say living in internment camp. It's a sort of "what the hell, nothing I can do about it." Which is how I feel right now, about this whole stinkin' process.

Shikata ga nai.