At 12, I remember I was totally fascinated by what it was like to have a period. Of course, this was before the Internet, when girls asked you in the locker room, after summer break, whether you'd "become a woman" yet. Elusive, exciting. Do you use tampons or pads? Is it like, really red? Do you have it every month?
The next year it was kissing. Is it gross? Does it feel good? Then sex. More and more to be curious about, right up to getting pregnant and giving birth, trying to understand why some women get on their hands and knees to pop their kids out, while others scream like hyenas.
What you don't ever wonder about it what it feels like to have a miscarriage. What no one ever tells you. And I guess I didn't realize something would happen, all at once, since I'd been bleeding for a few days. But it did, at least to me.
It was hard and painful and sad, but it was also awe-inspiring. Because what went in to me was microscopic, and what came out had grown. It fit in my hand and I could see it. Strangely, it's comforting to have something to say goodbye to, something that confirms why it hurts. You really do lose something, and it's not just an intangible, a potential, a feeling. I'm just glad I have something to say goodbye to, something to cry for.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
...someone...
loosing someone hurts
Post a Comment