We've Only Just Begun

I used to think, "If I just get to IVF I'll get pregnant and I'll put this whole infertility mess behind me."

It doesn't work that way, not always, even if that's how it's worked for almost everyone you know. I told a friend this, about my fears about how if it didn't work the first time it would never work, and she said, "Well, I don't know anyone who it worked for on the first try, and they're all mothers."

To her I say thank you, thank you, thank you, my dear friend of many years who's put up with a lot in that time.

I think too many people were surprised by this--they all thought it would work. I got too many "don't give up yet(s)," too many "there's still a chance(s)." I already feel like anything from here is a last ditch effort. What I need is just what this friend gave me: This is a long journey. You've only just begun.

I wanted to be done quickly, as painlessly as possible. It doesn't always happen that way. It does happen. But it's not always a sprint to the finish. As she said, so wisely, "Get ready to walk this path for awhile."

If you know me, and you read this, please do not tell me, "you still have another chance." I already feel desperate, and afraid, and this makes me feel even more so. So tell me this, "you have six embryos and a fresh cycle. It's hard, it's painful, but your journey's just begun." And if you can tell me, in the same breath, that you'll walk the road with me, I will be eternally, eternally grateful.