Now That I'm Not Pregnant, I Can Do All the Fun Stuff

When you're not pregnant, there are many fun things you can do. Like skydiving, or a safari in Africa, or learn how to surf. Or paint. Painting is definitely an option.

We sort of put off a lot of maintenance stuff on our house all summer, occupying ourselves with trying to get pregnant and focusing on being extremely healthy, which meant no toxic paint or other fumes. But with that out of the way, I could spend all weekend doing it. Oh joy! Good thing there's nothing pesky like a fetus to protect...just my own respiratory system. Paint fumes r' us.

It was probably better that I kept busy. Surprisingly, I was in pretty good spirits this week. It's funny when you go through severe depression--okay, maybe not funny, but interesting--and then when you just feel like a normal person, when you feel like you can get out of bed every day, it makes you feel totally elated, almost superhuman. It felt awesome just to feel normal. I still can't lay in bed more than 10 or so minutes each morning--more than that and my mind wanders to places it hurts to go--but throughout the day I can laugh at my dog or watch a movie and be entertained and not need to sit only in the fetal position. I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

On the other hand, lots of people I know (and I know more, now that I'm reaching out to women struggling with fertility problems) had a really tough week. I don't feel like I should betray any confidences, even if I don't name names. But I will say this: enough nice people had things go wrong this week that I felt 100% sure this has nothing to do with fair. Though I may struggle with it when I think about myself, convincing myself it's because of something I did, I know these women deserve good things. Deserve motherhood.