Why Can't You Choose Gift Wrap?

Yesterday a big box came in the mail. It was full of a lot of fertility medicines and a boatload of needles. Like I said, I'm not wild about needles. When I looked at all of them and realized I was actually going to use every single one in less than one month's time, I was thinking what a shame it is that I can't have a glass of wine each night before shooting myself up.

At least the box had lots of stuff in it. I know this is probably a silly marketing gimmick, and certainly a waste of resources, but everything came in its own box in its own bag, so it felt exciting and important and like I got a lot of stuff for my $3,000. I sort of wish they gave you the option to gift wrap too. It's like when you have a wedding registry, and people send gifts directly to you. You know what the gift is; half the time it's written on the outside of the box, but it's still fun to rip that paper off, destroy those little Williams-Sonoma pineapples that cost people $4.95 a box.

They also enroll you in this special program to get $500 off your next order, kind of like the grocery store rewards card (although anything with a $500 discount is way too expensive in the first place). I mean, you actually get a card. And a great letter. They want you to think you're going to get pregnant, but they also want you to buy more medicine. So the gist of the letter is, "Isn't it exciting that you're going to have a baby after exactly two tries at IVF, using this wonderful medicine we will sell to you?" It's so perfect that we used our Bush bucks to buy this stuff, because it's just more sunshine being blown up my ass by someone who has no ability to control what actually happens.