You Can Ask Me

Lots of friends send me emails or call and say things like, "I don't want to pry" or "I care how it's going, but I don't want to push you." Let me tell you: go ahead. Ask and risk offending me (which is hard to do). I've never once felt like someone asked me out of some spiteful or ulterior motive; they always want to show love and support, and I appreciate that. On the other hand, when people don't ask, I generally believe it's because they don't give a shit. So ask.

I know not everyone feels that way. I know that some people are private about it. But chances are, if they've told you, they want your support. And there are many ways to open the conversation. There are nicer things to say than, "Are you pregnant yet?" If you ask, "How's everything going?" most of us who are so obssessed with infertility naturally assume that's what you're talking about. We forget you don't know when we're ovulating, or aren't worrying about when our periods are going to start. All that to say that while I can't speak for others, I can say that it never hurts to show you care.