March 2008: My Yoda of Infertility

I made an appointment with Dr. M at the fertility clinic. I chose him because he got a friend pregnant on her first attempt at IUI (I mean, he got her pregnant using her husband's sperm, of course), and she said he was nice, so it seemed like a decent combo. Luckily for me he had a cancellation and could get me in that month; otherwise, it was quite a wait. And I was NOT GOING TO WAIT. Since the last two months' attempts had failed so miserably, I wasn't interested in sitting around. So DH and I made a big old long list of questions, and prepared to sit down with this guy and GET SOME ANSWERS. (I lacked patience about that too.)

Dr. M handled it well. He was was an unnaturally calm person, the kind I tend to be unnaturally chatty around. It's almost like I'm trying to make up for the lack of energy with way too much, like electrocuting the conversation because the AA batteries died. What's weird is that Dr. M answered all my questions, but afterwards I could hardly even remember him even speaking. Hmmmm. Silent you are, oh wise one, but strong are your words.

Dr. M asked us our history and then dropped what felt like a bomb. "Do you want to try IUI again, or go right to IVF?"

IVF?! IVF?! So, so, so not ready!

So we said, no we wanted to actually have an IUI if we were going to cross it off the list. Dr. M. nodded and said nothing. And then I launched into my host of questions, all relating to the same thing. Why was I spotting? Why didn't the Prometrium stop it if it was no big deal? Would it ever go away? Did I have defective eggs?

Dr. M smiled serenely at me. Energetic you are, young one, but foolish is she who does not trust the infertility master. His answer was simple. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think your eggs and uterus are fine. The pills don't get enough progesterone to your uterus. We'll give you suppositories and it will be fine."

And damn it--after a year of trying everything I could think of, of giving up red meat and making weird batches of nettle and raspberry leaf tea, of googling every combination of "spotting" and "luteal phase" and "infertility"--damn it if he wasn't right.