Don't Hate Me Because I'm Fertile

I am constantly amazed at the women who do not think I see the difference between them having a baby and me having a baby, that think I hate them because of it. Yes, when you get pregnant, I wish I was pregnant too. No, when you get pregnant I do not want to kill you and implant your unborn child in my womb.


I have to admit that I get tired of smiling and assuring and being unusually cheerful at baby showers. As happy as I am for you, it does not change the fact that it sucks for me. (Not that you're pregnant--you must get over that--but that I'm not.) And unfortunately, events celebrating your pregnancy remind me of my lack thereof. Is it so weird that I might feel a little sad? If I don't bear any ill will toward you, what does it matter? I still buy a gift at Babies R' Us and put on my Sunday best and smile and laugh and mean it!


I have one friend who had a baby and seems to feel constantly guilty about it--right from the moment she got pregnant, as if she thought I'd accuse her of doing it on purpose just to hurt my feelings. I tried to be very supportive. I tried to show her that I cared about her and I was happy for her and I didn't take it personally. But it just got to be too much darn work.

I finally gave up. I got tired of calling and not getting called back, and then seeing her and recognizing that guilty look, "I'm pregnant and she's not and it makes her feel bad and it's not her fault, but she's probably upset with me and can't be close to me." Actually, I was upset with her and couldn't be close to her, but not for the reason she thought. I couldn't be close to her because she never called me back, so it was sort of a one-sided relationship. When I realized that this woman had conceived and had a baby and in that time period we'd had exactly one conversation about my own struggles (before she told me she was pregnant), I decided it wasn't worth it to keep trying to beat her with a "happy-for-you-that-you're pregnant" stick.